Tonight

I am retiring for the evening, I will sleep with a small heater tonight he will hold me with his tiny hands and kiss me on the cheek as do you, his love is unconditional. Its your hands I long to hold, and your heat I need to warm me, but from this little man I will take it and know that even though you are there an I am here I still feel you and find you in even the littlest of things. Love, goodnight.

Away

I drifted off to sleep slowly, holding the pillow snuggly to my body your scent lingers around me. It was cold. My heat traveled away that day. I reached over expecting to feel a soft piece of you, some sort of radiating heat, but nothing I feel again to make sure I am wrong but I am disappointingly right. Your not there. I do miss you. I seen us there at the end, which was the beginning. Happy and full, over full of everything we ever needed and wanted, and it was us. More on that later. I hope you get to read soon, come home. Love You, Me

Eres bella, amor mio

Did This Just Happen

You let her go, you told her to keep your heart but you I not come with it? That I showed you what was real and tangible? I’m in awe of you. Your welcome for your always. Love You, Me

It Is You

Today is long, the night even longer. It is 11 degrees with a wind chill of -7. I am cold, no I am frozen. I so enjoyed the tanning bed today. I closed my eyes and thought of being on the beach in the Caribbean laying in the sand while the sun kissed me. Getting an all-natural pedicure while walking along the beach. I want to go, some place like such, soon. I do love you, my heart is full. Love has become me, or maybe I have become love. Either way it is you.

Dear God

First I wanna say thank you, for saving my life that day in Oct. I love you. I have sinned daily, and for that I am sorry. I’m in love with this man who has this hold on me. I wish for him not to let go. We do not see eye to eye when it comes to spiritual things. I wish he would see it how I do. I want him to be saved and I want him to do what’s right for us. I believe you have a hand in the things that have transpired in the last 6 months. You sent a man to give me a word from you, I still believe it. I would like your will for my life and for the man that I love, that you would be the center of all things concerning us. And IF its YOUR will for us to be a blessing to others through our relationship and if we are to minister to people as one union let it be so. I am willing to accept the challenge and what is ahead. But if it not be your will, help me with the feelings I will have. Help me to know that you do have another out there for me. Remind me that my first love should be you Lord. Help me to know when you have brought him to me, help me to see a genuine, true God fearing man who pleases you first, and loves me as he loves you. Let him be the one in all ways, in all ways! You know exactly what I need, and what I want, and so far I have found 90percent of that in him. You know my intentions and you see my love for this man. You God know that I have been faithful to him in everyday, why does he say he doesn’t love me the same? I don’t understand but you know all things. I’m sure that things are happening the way they are every second for a reason, for your divine purpose. Wrap your arms around me Lord, let me feel from you what I have felt from this man, what I long to feel from a love that’s true. I’m placing him in your hands, whomever him may be. Either the one here, or the one of whom I do not know. Fix it or send it. This is my prayer. Thank You, Love You, Me

Remember

~*Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.
If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.*~

Still I Wonder

 

 

Still I Wonder

　

When will this go away when will I feel my break. When will you reach to me and say it’s ok. For so long I have searched to find peace within all I see is hurt. When will these tears stop when will I finally be on top. Conquering this battle that for so long has been so hard to tackle. No matter how hard I try no matter how hard I cry still I am left with no new direction to try. All I want is to feel free. Release me from your grasp, let me be is all I ask. Someday soon I hope I can look up and say it’s a new moon. Filled with hope filled with my desires no more will you keep me down for this is your desire. Can’t you see what your doing to me, can’t you feel how much I loved you. For so long I gave you all that I am all I got back in return was deep hurt within. No more can I take no more will you make me break…

I am picking up the pieces and moving on. For this has gone on for way to long. Take me as I am or don’t take me at all, for you will never again make me fall. Standing on my feet regaining my strength one day again we will meet. In this moment you will see I have let go of you and me. I loved you but no more will you stop what I have in store. For here on out hear me shout it’s my turn to say I am walking away. Stronger than ever this new path IS my new way. Finding what I had lost finding my happiness at no cost. Never will I stop. For the first time ever I will be on top no more tears no more hurt. It’s a new day it’s a new way and I will hold onto my faith each and everyday…..

I see a new light shining for me a new future brighter than you could ever see. Leaving the rest in the past for I am onto a new path holding my life in my own hands and my destiny to make my stand. So here I am with my back to you, goodbye forever for hurt me again you will never….                                                       Holloway

 

　

　

　

 

Here Goes…

I’m tired but here goes. You and I weigh on my mind a lot. It is what it is that’s what you say, and to an extent I haven’t an issue with that. But if we are together (exclusive) me being a woman needs to be sure of those things. I know some things have went without saying. Like obviously we aren’t having sex with anyone but each other, that’s a given. I’m sorry about last night, I don’t know why I wonder about a mans loyalty when I’ve never been cheated on. I don’t believe you have lied to me. I know how I’m supposed to be when it comes to looking flirting and talking to other men in general and I would expect that a man would be the same way. Your an attractive man, and women look at you and I know that men look at me to but I don’t even give them so much as a grin because it feels wrong to me because my heart is with you. I’ve been confused about weather or not we are “together”. You said no obligations but if a man wants to be with a woman and does and says the things you do to me that would lead me to believe that he would be obligated to me. I love you, I want to be with you, I want to know if you want to be with me. An item, just us, together, exclusive. And if we were together why did I have to be quiet when you were on the phone with johnny? U said u were protecting me. From what? Rumors? I don’t care what anyone thinks. I feel you do though. I’m not ashamed of you, It makes me feel good when you are standing beside me in public and when you put your arm around me and when my arm is through yours. I want to be able to show my affection for the man that I’m with. I’m not talking about slobbering all over each other in public but at least letting it be seen that “these to very beautiful people are together, look how she loves that man and look at how he respects her and protects her”. Maybe my idea of how 2 people should act in a relationship is off to you, this is just how I feel. But I want a man who can and will love me the exact same way I love him. It has almost been 8 months since my bad choice and I feel I have proven myself worthy to stand beside a man and him know that If I am with him that its only him and I will not stray. I’ve stayed with you, in my heart and mind and in body, looking away from and immediately turning away and discounting any look or comment from any other. I want to know your thoughts, where do I fit into your life? What am I to you? I know you love me thats apparent or you wouldn’t care about the things I do where I go or who was there at the time. Your not like anyone else. You have this uncanny ability to make me feel 100 percent safe and wanted and I believe it. But like I said I need to hear the words come out of those beautiful lips exactly how you feel and exactly what you want from me. You said you need me. Well I’m here always have been. Now tell me, tell me what your heart says about me. I ache for you. Its hard leaving you in the morning, I instantly miss you from the time you kiss me goodbye till I see you that evening. I’m sick without you, I want you around constantly. You may get tired of my attitude or my disrespect sometimes but I have come along way. This I know, no man will ever tire of my love, for I love deeply without reservation to the fullest extent. And whom ever it is will know that I am an awesome beautiful woman and a great person in general and will appreciate every last gesture and will take every touch and kiss and every sign of affection as if it would be the last. Love You, Me
I defend you, and if you worry of rumors who cares do what I do for you and defend me. I know you have before and for that I am grateful. I promise I’m yours if you’ll have me. I just want a man who I can say I am proud to be with only him, and who can say he is proud to be with only me. My past has made me cautious of love, this is the only time out of my 29 years that I have felt like something was real. I’m pooping and hungry I’m going to herbalife soon. I’m dressed like I’m tired! LOL sweat pants over sized T-shirt and hoodie.

If We Are…

If we are together why can’t we tell anyone? I don’t care what people would say do you? Sometimes you say you don’t at other times I can’t even talk out loud if your talking to someone we both know on the phone. I love you…